Swiftly by Adam Roberts – Review

I got this book as a present on my birthday this year but until I got rather ill with a nasty head cold I had not had a chance to sit down and read it.  I managed to get through the book in three days which is a long time for me with a paperback but for reasons I will go into shortly this was no average paperback fantasy novel.  This was one of the worst literary let downs.

I read a lot and like to think I am something of a talent with the written word and the formation of printed books too.  What the reader expects and what to deliver upon those expectations is also within my remit as a writer.  Swiftly appealed to me because I have been a life long fan of Gulliver’s Travels and the notion of a fantasy titled based on a world one hundred years after the discovery of Lilliputians, Brobdingnagians, Sentient Horses and Ape Men seemed to offer a great many chances for adventure, intrigue and fun ‘sideways’ looks at society and so on.  Indeed the blurb for the novel tells you that the year is 1848 and that Britain and its enslaved legions of little people have been beaten in a long drawn out campaign by France with her regiments of Giants.  The Giants have sunk the navy, crossed the channel, taken London and are marching on York where the ultimate battle will take place.  The central character of the book Abraham Bates loves a woman called Eleanor and the love between them will be tested as she is married and Abraham may be a traitor and a sinner.  Sounds awesome yes?

Well no….

I read the book without looking at any other reviews or online comments.  I looked at it with unsullied eyes and expected to be enthralled in the adventure of Europe at war and all of Swift’s creatures.  That did not happen.  In fact after a few chapters the apparent protagonist of the novel simply vanished without resolving the plot he was tied up in (this concerned Eleanor and Burton her fiancée plus her mysterious admirer).  This confused me a great deal but I ploughed on.  It turns out that according to magazine reviewers the first part of Swiftly was published as a separate short story.  Well thanks Mr Roberts!  I had not read it elsewhere but there was no linkage or fact telling you it was a separate tale!  It reminded me a lot of Evelyn Waugh’s Hand Full of Dust where the main thrust of the story is thrown away without resolution in favour of another tale.

Moving on to the remainder of the novel (or as I thought the rest of the sequential chapters) I will keep this brief as I do not want to bore you…as that is best left to the book.  Would you like to see the invasion of London by Giants, the battles in the channel, the fall of the British Government, the ongoing fights on the road to York, the final battle between the two nations, the arrival of a vast ‘starship’ above the battlefield, the conflict within that ship which turns out to be a vast giant (12 times a man, then 12 times or more again in size etc) and the giant cannon that is referred to many times in the text…well you can’t!  All of these events happen but we do not see them.

Our hero is a self loathing, flowery language using buffoon who is obsessed and I mean totally with human faeces. Oh and curing a plague by kissing as many soldiers as possible.   Almost the entirety of the text is consumed by endless conversation quite departed from the vast events happening in this fictional world.  Most of the time Abraham Bates concerns himself with crap at the expense of everything else.  In fact I threw the book down in a fit of rage at the end of the last page where this kind of behaviour reached its climax.  Bates and others discuss invading the sky giant like germs and taking it down from the inside.  Great you think, some action.  But no you do not see them do this you are told they do in a mere paragraph or two and then the last page is given over to Eleanor delivering one of her ‘droppings’ to him in a lovely little wooden box.

The jacket of this book promised so much.  A fantastic idea (two in fact as the author gleefully tells us in postscript) which he totally fails to deliver on as far as the blurb is concerned.  Throughout the tale you listen to the characters talk while over their shoulder the action happens just out of reach…want to go and see the Giants…well you can’t let’s talk about turds again.  The blurb is simply a lie.  Not factually, all the events its describes actually occur in the book, but this is not the book the blurb is selling you.  If they had told you it was boring, drawn out, without action and obsessed with shit you would have avoided it like the plague it features.

Don’t get me wrong I could admire the technical skill of Robert’s writing which is very good indeed.  I saw and noted the intricate weaving of references to the original text by Swift and other great works.  Roberts delves into major ideas on the nature of slavery and the human condition and he does it extremely well in a mid nineteenth century setting.  But it just does not matter the book is not what it says it is; it does not deliver.  It’s not that I cannot deal with deep works or ‘proper’ literature (I read Joyce’s Ulysses in it’s entirety!) but I just feel cheated by a book badly, badly mis-leading in its cover and blurb.

I also want to comment on the author Stephen Baxter giving a lovely and glowing quote on the covers of Swiftly.  I loved his novel Anti Ice when I was a teen and his recommendation sealed the deal on getting Swiftly…did he even read it or just the blurb…  Shame.

I keep all the books ever given to me,  I appreciate the time people take in getting me presents.  This book I will not keep. I will not sell it or give it to charity.  I destroyed this morning and it gave me more enjoyment than reading it did.  Avoid this book…its pure golden coated faecal matter.

GBS

Gasariki Volume One – Review

Gasariki Vol One DVD

I am rather partial to some giant robot action and no one does this better than the Japanese Anime houses.  I like to browse second hand sites and online auctions too on the off chance there are some bargains to be had.  Last week I chanced on Volume One of Gasariki.  Gasariki is not one of the better known ‘mecha’ franchises and indeed I had only heard of it in relation to Cowboy Bebob.  But priced at only 0.28GBP plus a pound postage who could refuse!  Volume One contains episodes one to four and runs for about one hundred minutes including all trailers and credits.

The series centers on Yushiro Gowa who pilots a bipedal weapons system known as a TA, short for Tactical Armor. Much of the initial plot is driven by means of news reports. Set in the near-future the series is formed around political narratives that concern a fictional war between the US and the fictional Middle Eastern country of Belgistan. An influential Japanese family, the Gowa, produce a bipedal weapon, the TA. When US military forces attempt to seize the capital they are systematically wiped out by what appear to be rival TAs. The Gowa Family seizes this opportunity to demonstrate their weapon system, and civilian pilot Yuushiro Gowa and the military squad to which he is attached are deployed to Begilstan. There, he meets rival TA pilot Miharu, with whom he seems to share a deep spiritual bond. The series has a mix of futuristic and historical narratives and includes elements of Japanese culture, such as Noh and Shinto, rigid family hierarchies, corruption of government by Zaibatsu and Samurai appear throughout the series.

From a wargamers point of view (which is my interest in it at the end of the day) this anime provides a sci-fi near future possible setting with a more ‘real’ form of powered armour.  I can see me using either an altered version of UM004 USE ME Modern Warfare or HOF Fire-Team to set games in Belgistan.  If you like this kind of setting then look up Gasariki as I shall certainly be trying to acquire Vol 2 and so on.  It”s not on a par with the excellent Appleseed franchise but for something more than ten years old it is very good.

You can see it here on Amazon and here is the Wiki link for the series too.

On the off chance you simply cannot get ahold of this title, and it is possible due to the age and lack of success it had here then enjoy the trailer for it below.

GBS

Half a Pound of Purple Sweeties!

A pile of Vimto Creams with one of my 28mm scale Khanate Legion miniatures for scale.

The misery of a runny nose and a boakey throat are beginning to lift…hurrah!  Not quite back to normal but way better than I was earlier this week.  To that end I decided to treat myself and the kids to some ‘sweeties’ or candy for those of you not from the UK.  Luckily for me there is a top quality shop very near to my home in Girvan which specialises in sweets.  So off I went and I found…Vimto Creams!

You can see the jar they come in below.  I asked for two ‘quarters’.  Sweets in Scotland are measured in the old imperial system of pounds and ounces and a quarter is a quarter pound of sweets by weight.  The sweets looked, felt and tasted great.

Ross's Vimto Creams

You can see them and buy them (if you are not in Girvan…very likely) here.  Give them a try.

Cheered me right up!

GBS

Excuse my Sniffles

Yes, it don’t rain but it pours!

Taking on the Catalogue project along with several other things has perhaps led to this but no matter.  I am feeling terrible.  My fantastic children have given me the big bad brother all of head colds.  As a result my head feels like it is full of Rubbacrete (Ion Age reference!) and my attention span is shot to hell. Actually it might be a reaction to the madness that was April 2012.  I don’t think I sat down for weeks, certainly I did little but wargame, travel, write and talk.

Anyhoo….I think I shall be better by Monday as in back to one hundred percent so if you are waiting for me to create, contact, phone, speak, post and I do not this is the reason why.  I will email as many of you as possible today who are waiting.

Now where is my hot lemon drink and endless sympathy!

GBS

The Catalogue Project!

I have been given a mammoth task.  A mighty and all consuming task the likes of which has not been seen in a decade….to update the Alternative Armies commercial catalogue!

Now I am not talking about websites or articles or partial listings.  I mean the whole deal.  A total catalogue of all the miniatures, books, bases, dice and other items that the company can offer to the public.  This includes everything now in the hands of 15mm.co.uk and the former TTG ranges like Laserburn.  The company has not issued a complete document like this in nearly ten years.  So as you can imagine it will be a lot of work.  I intend to focus on it intently for one week at the expense of everything else to just to get it done.  I will most likely emerge bleary eyed blinking into the light once it’s done.

Essentially a complete catalogue now seems needed as we have had a large increase in requests for it from customers and traders alike.  Catalogues fell out of favour years ago but they seem to be in again.

While at university I did a brief course on being a librarian which involved catalogues and such.  I did not think it would ever come in useful….

GBS

Villiam Bedsforc the Bombardier – ‘Bange Off!’

Villiam Bedsforc. Ladies and Ale...its his bag baby!

It is now May and since Tony Harwood unintentionally released VLE12 Bombardier Bedsforc on his excellent blog back in early April you could say he caught me napping!  What with me not intending to release the miniature until the middle of May.  You can see a picture of the laddy above as rendered by Edward Jackson, resident Valonian artist.  What with Salute and the much higher than expect level of orders pre and post the event it has taken me about two weeks longer than expected to get around to the insert and scenario for this character but now the time is at hand!  So I am on time, ahead of time and behind of time depending on how you look at it.

The scenario is called ‘Bange Off’ and concerns the Bombardier, his ale and his glory  for Albion and the family brewery.

During the  week beginning 7th May the Alternative Armies website will be updated to include full details for VLE12 and the scenario will appear on Barking Irons Online in due course!

GBS

Making an Advert for Miniature Wargames Issue 350

Off the back of the huge success that 15mm.co.uk has enjoyed from Gary Mitchell’s Darker Horizons column in Miniature Wargames and my chat with Andrew Hubback at Salute 2012 I decided that once more we would venture into paper advertising!

So I was set the task of designing a half page advert for the next issue…the subject..what else but USE ME!  I think it has come out rather well!

Click on the image below to see the advert that will be in the magazine.  I look forward to getting my contributors copy 🙂

15mm.co.uk's MW350 advert for USE ME series - full size.

GBS

The Science of Decay…fasinating

Rot damn you!

I caught a programme on BBC4 last night and  just had to put up a little post about it.

You can find the programme here on the BBC IPlayer (note sorry, that if you are not the UK this will not work and the programme will only remain online until 10th May 2012) but it is well worth an hour and a half of your time.

Just what does happen in the process of decay and why is it so important to the natural order of the whole world?  Watch and find out.

GBS

USE ME Starter Packs – Theory Distilled!

The Controller says 'I command thee, create starter packs!'

Over the last week I instigated a conversation about the possible creation of Starter Packs, complete games, for the USE ME series of titles.  Primarily the grand daddy of the series UM001 USE ME 15mm Science Fiction.  I put forward many possible ideas but all around the core idea that a starter pack would contain a rule book, miniatures, dice, rosters, scenarios and so on.  Essentially you would get all you need in one box to get playing.

There was a good response to this posing of the idea.  More than twenty posts on the Notables Yahoo Group and a dozen emails direct to me from players including Chris K and Craig Andrews.  All of these putting forward their take on what a complete pack should be.  Variations of content and direction were batted back and forth until distilled into a fairly even brew that left me to finish it and put it into cask (can you tell I am itching to drink that bottle of real ale I got at the weekend!).  Well the process of fermentation is now complete and I can put forward what the final starter pack will be and also what packs there will be in the near future.

A USE ME Starter pack for sci-fi will contain the following:

UM001 Rulebook, Approx Thirty Miniatures, Two D6 Dice, Scenario Sheet (3 complete linked scenarios with solo play option), Pre-Filled Rosters (for the supplied miniatures and scenarios), Plastic Bases:  All in a box. There will be an unpainted and a pro-painted option available.   All you need to play right out of the box!

The first packs will be the following and they will appear on 15mm.co.uk over the next couple of months:

UMS01 – Danger on Outpost 32.  Alien Greys are looking for test subjects on the human built Outpost 32, will the diverse population of the outpost give in without a fight?

UMS02 – Ziggurat of Clem IV.  The Zidhe wish to capture the secrets of the Progenitors but will the  Octopods let them have their way?

UMS03 – Rage of the Machines.  Automatons run wild with a virus that requires the attention of the Prydian Army to put right.  Shut them down before they shut you down!

UMS04 – Livestock of the Earth.  The Argo City of New York is suffering from a bombing campaign by the fanatical ‘Livestock of the Earth’ cult.  Can bombs be defused and people kept safe amid attacks by the cult?

So I hope this grabs you.  Each starter pack will be around or under the 20.00GBP mark and offer a small saving over separate purchasing.

GBS

Chris K tutorial on HOF Fire-Team tiles

Now for tile based action a plenty!

Chris K a fine fellow indeed has posted a tutorial on how to get the most out of your HOF Fire-Team tile sets over on Dropship Horizon.  It is an excellent posting, informative and balanced.  In fact it is so good I intend to link it up to the 15mm.co.uk website so that everyone can read and gain from it.  I also have to thank him for the kind words on the tile sets.  It is appreciated by everyone who worked on the tiles from me to Edward Jackson the artist and also our commercial printer who goes above the call of duty when it comes to our printed products.

So go forth…cut and mount!

GBS